I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The best revenge is premature balding
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
