I'm going to jail i love you
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
