You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm too high and old for this...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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