His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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