I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
