If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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