My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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