Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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