I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
