it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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