im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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