So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I intend to get homeless drunk
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
