Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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