Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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