I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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