you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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