She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
