after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
