how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
