I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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