btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
