How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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