K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
