Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
