I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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