he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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