apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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