i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
