so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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