Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
