sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
