4 words: hood of his car
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My ass is underappreciated
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
