And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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