her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
