This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
