Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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