thus making me awesome and them whores
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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