Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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