those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
