I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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