He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
