His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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