What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
