I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
