I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
