if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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