hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize