I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize