i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
no you cant smoke seaweed
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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