hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
