I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
