do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
