yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
