i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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