peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize