yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
