Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
