So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
