dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
