That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
