i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
