i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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