1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
