With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
