puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
