Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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