Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize