Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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