Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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