He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
