i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
