I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
