and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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