Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
