Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
