I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
