so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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