I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
