I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
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