3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm at about main and main street
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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