he puts the penis in happiness.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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