we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
