are you still at the devil's house?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
