I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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