he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
