I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
