I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
