she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
