from now on my penis is your penis
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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