It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
