Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
