The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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