Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
