well I can't set my house on fire every night
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
