so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
