my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
